Keeping Safe: Things to Consider
If you are still being abused in any way, there is help available. There are people who can help you work out what is right for you, and you can decide what you want to do to regain control of your life and stop the fear. You may be worried about how you will manage without your partner or how you will take care of the children without him or her. Consider instead what you will gain: what you will be able to choose to do, and what you do and when you do it. If you have left the person who has been abusing you and you still feel at risk then again its vital to take some time to consider how to keep safe. Whatever your situation agencies can help you.
Whatever form of violence and abuse you may be experiencing it is important that you tell someone about it. Sometimes it helps to talk to someone you trust - a friend, relative is often the first person people tell. This can be very helpful and means that at least people who care about you will know and can support you. Many people will call a helpline or domestic and sexual violence advice service. These are services that will be able to help you think through what you want without telling you what to do, or judging you. You can contact services that can help by visiting our Directory of Services.
Whatever you decide to do it is vital that at all time you hink about safety – both your own and the people around you, including your children (if you have any) . think about when are you safest and when are you most at risk? Talk this through with a trusted person and think about how you can increase your safety - it isn't your fault that you are being abused and you aren't responsible for it, but you can also make some changes to increase your safety.
For example can you get to your phone in an emergency? Can your children stay safely out of the way or get help if you shout out a code word? Could a neighbour call the police? Can someone call you to make sure you are all right at different times; with a code word you can use to alert them if you aren't?
Many victims of violence and abuse are ashamed to tell agencies about the abuse, as they mistakenly think they will be judged or that they will not be able to hurt them. In particular many victims are scared of telling the police about the violence and abuse they are experiencing.
Making a report to the police if you can is so important - almost every form of physical and sexual abuse is illegal, and so are many forms of emotional and psychological abuse, as these can constitute harassment. All Merseyside Police Officers are trained to help you and risk assess your particular situation. Merseyside Police also have specialist Domestic Violence Officers. It's their job to help survivors through the process of reporting a crime and seeing it get to court wherever possible. They can also, very importantly, refer you to services that can help meet all of your other needs.
It is also important to consider telling the Courts if you are feeling unsafe as in certain circumstances they can also help. You can apply to the civil courts for an order or injunction telling your abuser to stop threatening, hurting or harassing you. This can include stalking - if they have been persistently following you, hanging around your house, making repeated unwanted phone calls or sending unwanted text messages, and this is causing you distress or fear, the court can tell them not to do that and punish them if they do it again. The police can also take this action on your behalf if you report it to them.
You can also talk to other trusted people within your community and networks. Talk to your Health Visitor, GP, Midwife, Social Worker, Housing Officer, Tutor, Teacher, School or College Counsellor, Religious Leader, Connexions Advisor, Boss or anybody else that you trust and feel comfortable with. They may be able to help to reduce the risks if you are worried that your abuser might be able to harass or threaten you at your home, school, workplace or college. They can make arrangements that can increase your safety and reduce the risks that you may face.
If you live with your abuser you may not be ready at this stage to make the decision to leave a violent relationship or situation. There are many things that you can do to keep yourself safer while you are still there. Making a safety plan can keep yourself and your children safe.
